The Way we Wore

Welcome to todays little escapade. This particular blog post is dedicated to suits. The men we loved in them, the suits we loved on them and various other trivia and comments on the lost art of dripping sexuality while being entirely covered up.

To begin with, is it just me or is seeing a good-looking man in a suit just as good as seeing him shirtless and in a pile of puppies?

OH GOD ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THAT

Joking aside, I will take a well dressed man over a naked one any day. Can this be attributed to some deep-rooted problems? Am I scared of naked men? Is this all really some cover up for fear of my own sexuality? My answer is no. My feelings can be attributed to the following examples, and I hope that once you have read them you will feel similarly. But be warned ladies and gents, there is no going back.

1: Cary Grant.

Yes yes, oh so cliché. In his time Cary Grant epitomized masculinity and was the heart-throb of the century. Nobody’s charm, voice, and jaw line inspired as many day dreams as Mr. Grant’s.

Good Evening Ladies

Has anyone ever looked sexier with that much material between you and the fun bits? I think not. The man is rocking a grey pin striped three-piece suit that (from the photo) looks as if it’s made out of the most itchy fabric known to man. (We meet again wool.) But does it matter? Nein darling.

2: Marlon Brando as Sky Masterson

There is a soft spot in my heart for musicals that can be blamed on my love of theatre. So at a young age when I decided to settle down with a sweet sweet VHS copy of Guys and Dolls I just thought I was in for some singing and goofy slang. I did not know very much about Marlon Brando at the time. I was too young to have read and appreciated A Streetcar Named Desire and much as it pains me to admit, I only saw The Godfather in its entirety for the first time this year. Please keeps your boos to the comments section. Anyhow, little old me settles in for some quality musical entertainment and is slapped sideways by the growling and undeniably sassy Sky Masterson. Aided in no small feat by a wardrobe that would make any woman swoon

Depicted: Marlon Brando on a Tuesday

He didn’t get all campy in a zoot suit like you saw in, well…my high schools production of it…he wore classic lines with matching hats. On occasion the costume designer got a little excited and threw in some fun colors such as a lavender suit. Which no one else on earth would’ve made suave

Depicted: Marlon Brando not giving a good god damn

Ok, so the way he grinds his jaw is distracting during the key number “Luck Be a Lady.” But does it particularly matter how you look when you’re singing?

Yes it does

3: Sean Connery as James Bond

Now this might be a little of a cop-out. But I ask how you can have a list of sexy suit slinging men and NOT include this iconic character? The choice of Sean Connery’s portrayal is only a matter of preference over other men who have filled the Tuxedo and in no means a stab at those who disagree.

Depicted: The best James Bond ever.

A classic Tuxedo. No vest, no cheesy cummerbund, just a tuxedo. And even a bow-tie. Few people could kill someone while wearing a bow-tie and not appear like a pedophile. Here he looks damn right menacing. And pleased. Bond is going to rough you up and not get one hair out-of-place, and if he does, well that’s just all for the better on account of The Dishevelment Rule.

The Dishevelment Rule, despite sounding like something I just made up, is in fact, the result of years of research. Women across the globe agree. Well, Women who like men that is, all agree that there is nothing sexier than when a man in a suit or tux begins the process of becoming disheveled. First there’s the unbuttoning of a few top buttons, the loosening of his tie. Then, there is the jacket being taken off, the sleeves rolled up. The shirt becomes un-tucked etc. While it sounds like the slowest strip-tease ever it in fact is the sexiest series of actions a man can engage in whilst fully clothed. This is truth fellows, not just the humble opinion of this blogger.

Now back to Sean Connery. From Russia With Love contains a fight sequence to rule all fight sequences in which Bond goes hand to hand on a train with a worthy adversary. There is no back-track, no actiony music or out-of-place Indie Folk as seems to be the trend nowadays. There are just two men who are fighting for their lives and for the first time as a viewer I recall thinking, someone is actually going to die here. And now, whenever, wherever a woman is approached in a supper club or bar by a man wearing a Tux, her heart flutters an extra time thanks to the name James Bond. If that’s not iconic, I don’t know what is!

4: Jon Hamm as Don Draper

This a more recent discovery as Mad Men is a television show of our television generation. However it is set in the 1960’s and has received countless praise for its amazing styling and costume construction. Being a girl, I could dedicate a whole blog to the outfits donned by Joan, Betty, and numerous mistresses, but I shall resist just this once. Don Draper, the anti-hero of the show is an Ad Executive or Mad Man as they were known in their hay-day.

That’s the first time I’ve ever used the expression ‘hay-day’.

Moving on.

Jon Hamm brings something to Don that other actors would’ve left adrift, some semblance of a chink in his armor. His armor being impeccable suits. Hamm portrays Draper with an edge so as to remain un-sleazy while being as duplicitous as can be.

I may have slept with your wife

All right, I’ll admit, the fact that Jon Hamm looks like Superman on a Cereal box helps a little. It’s not like we’re dressing up some dog.

He is a good-looking man amplified by his wardrobe. (TAKE NOTES)

5: Christian Bale…well in anything….but specifically as Patrick Bateman.

Patrick Bateman. The main character in the fantastically disturbing novel American Psycho was brought to life on-screen by Christian Bale. The sharpened features Bale already sports were streamlined by his outfits making him predatory in the least threatening of situations and sexy in the most disturbing of fashions. The novel and film respectively are set in the Reagan 80’s and Bateman is the physical manifestation of our greatest fears. What society forces upon us will eventually transform us and Patrick is one of the first to go, very willingly. The commentary made subtly in the novel and more blaring in the film is that we are so self-absorbed we never notice anything but ourselves. Patrick is mistaken and mistakes other people for himself and for others constantly. He says things outwardly to people only to have them ask a fatal “What?” The way he seems to move through the city like a shark is aided by his clothing.

Oh...this? I'm going to kill you with it. Sorry what? I said I'm going to get some frozen yogurt.

The all-american pallet of red white and blue. The perfect tailoring. It’s like a Ralph Lauren dream and a Ralph Lauren nightmare. Sheer genius.

*An honarable suit mention goes to Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca for making a white tuxedo less valet and more validated.

Why does Sam always look at me like that?

To conclude:

The dark side of this post is that the more I researched suits and men and specific movies the more I found that men could dress themselves once upon a time. That the art of fashion wasn’t just reserved for women. While now it seems the industry is dominated by women who have these baffling (to most men) obsessions with being excited by how they dress. It is not lost gents, your lack of fashion sense can often be attributed to a lack of research. Most men rely on their t-shirt, jeans and smile to get by and that’s entirely ok. But just once wouldn’t you love to be James Bond? Sky Masterson?

I digress.

Any suits you feel I neglected?

Any grossly over-looked details?

Leave it in the comments.

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